Learning is a continuous process. Every day, in my own way, I take baby steps toward being a less flawed individual. The world works in mysterious ways: One day it seems fuzzy, nebulous and to be crumbling around you. Other days, things look crystal clear and fate seems set in stone. On the days where tunnel vision kicks in, every single moment of life ahead looks like another series of baby steps. The other days you beg for the signs, the directions… Why so serious? Why so vague? Is this a keyword-optimized post? Nope. Just a labyritnth of conflicting thoughts!
One year ago, when I was on the verge of leaving a person (yep I believe that) behind, the emotions I felt were: fear, excitement, happiness,sadness and a sense of accomplishment, in that order. Weirdly the contrast to the F1 version of me could not be clearer today. How is it a contrast? Because; every day, I still feel the same emotions, in that order. The journey has been such a life-changer that I relate to the same feelings differently. My fear then? Starting from scratch. My fear now? Being lost alone. Excitement then? Duke. Excitement now? Adulting. Happiness then? Forennn. Now? the choice of doing my own thing. Sadness then? Leaving it all behind. Today? I’m almost 25. Sense of accomplishment then? Realising a childhood dream! Sense of accomplishment today? Owning my journey. Good, bad or ugly.
If you try too hard to have that tunnel vision, and try to overexecute your ‘plan’, you’re just going to find more reasons to say “it’s this new shampoo”(shiny side up?). Trying too hard to upset the order will leave you a broken, battered person on a bumpy road to nowhere.
Doing things by the book = dejection. Doing things against the book = eviction. Somewhere along the road, you have to write out your own personal rulebook. What works for him/her, might not for you. There is never one ‘path of least resistance’ to becoming the best you can be. Every road you take, not because it is written, but simply because, deep down that’s what you’re best fit for. Find what makes you happy and do it. Stupidly, unabashedly and regretlessly(if that is a word). I’m still flawed, still annoying, and even the ones who made the mistake of reading this could hate, berate or resent me. It is fine. It’s a personal journey and it was never going to be straightforward.